Signs a parent may need memory care

Safety changes

• Stove burners left on, pots scorched, or smoke alarms disconnected
• Getting lost on a familiar drive, or arriving hours late with no explanation
• Wandering outside at night, or being found by a neighbor
• Medications doubled, skipped for days, or pills loose around the house
• Falls that no one witnessed and that were not mentioned until later

Daily living changes

• Spoiled food in the refrigerator and very little eaten
• Wearing the same clothes for days, or dressing for the wrong season
• Bathing much less often, or new trouble with the bathroom
• Mail piled up, bills unpaid while money is available, or repeated payments
• House much messier or much emptier than usual

Thinking and behavior changes

• Repeating the same question within a short conversation
• Losing the thread of a familiar task like cooking a regular meal
• New suspicion of family members, or accusing people of stealing
• Agitation or confusion that gets worse in the late afternoon and evening
• Withdrawing from people and activities that used to matter

Caregiver signals

• The person providing care cannot sleep, work, or leave the house
• Nights are the hardest part, and no one is rested
• Care now needs two people, or physical help the caregiver cannot give safely
• The family is arguing about what is really happening

Get medical help right away if

• Sudden confusion over hours or a day, which can signal infection, dehydration, or a medication problem
• A head injury, a new weakness on one side, trouble speaking, or a facial droop
• Talk of harming themselves or someone else
• Leaving the home and being unable to find the way back

In an emergency, call 911 or go to an emergency room. This site does not monitor anyone and cannot send help.

What to do next

1. Write dates and specific examples. Say what happened, not that things are worse. A three week log changes a doctor visit.
2. Ask the primary care doctor for a full evaluation, including a medication review, hearing and vision, thyroid, vitamin B12, and a check for infection. Some causes are treatable and reversible.
3. Ask for a referral to a neurologist or geriatric specialist if the doctor's workup is inconclusive.
4. Call your county Area Agency on Aging about respite, adult day programs, and caregiver support before you are in crisis.
5. If memory care is likely within a year, look at the money and the paperwork early rather than during an emergency.

Where to go from here

• Your county Area Agency on Aging
• Memory care options in New Jersey
• Questions to ask on a tour
• How families pay for care in New Jersey